For years I’ve struggled to rise from my lethargic state, from which I eat junk food with no end, fail to maintain my body through exercise and let my mental state slide into the void that consumes all who enter. It is best represented as the never ending cycle of despair, depression and loneliness whose sole purpose is destruction. It seemed almost impossible to break the cycle, but the truth is that you can.
Over the past month I’ve been seeing someone who has helped me get back on track, giving me renewed faith where previously there was none. It is an incredible achievement when you consider the time in which it arose, that out of the darkness came, the blackened mist came a angelic light with the power to bring change. And change is at its very heart. No longer can I allow myself to be controlled by my inner chimp, whose emotionally shaped path allows for nothing of worth to come about. The reality is I can’t sit here all day, starting at the screen and living in the bubble. Now that bubble has burst.
From now on its different, all that sacrifices which I will make are not for me, but for the future. Everything which the present me will do, exercising, pushing the boundaries outside of my comfort zone and becoming a more positive person are not for me at all, but my future self who will have a better quality of life as a result.
One aspect of life which I wish to provide my future self, which I am severely lacking, is the chance for a partner. Whether that be a man or woman, the reality of the situation is that when people look for a partner, they look for some who’s going to help provide social, emotional, financial and sexual stability. At this moment in time I provide none of those things, sure people may say that I’m a funny guy with some intellectual capacity, but I don’t have a job, I’ve never really thought about a serious career path and have few positive social traits. Add to this I’m not the greatest looking and starting to become overweight and you’ve got a home run of all the wrong variables. It’s time to change this, so the future me can at least have a chance, where present me currently has no chance.
All I do, all I will do, is for the future.