Reinventing myself: A New Beginning.

The reality is that you can’t sit behind your computer forever, one day you’ll have to accept the world doesn’t accept idle people.


For years I’ve struggled to rise from my lethargic state, from which I eat junk food with no end, fail to maintain my body through exercise and let my mental state slide into the void that consumes all who enter. It is best represented as the never ending cycle of despair, depression and loneliness whose sole purpose is destruction. It seemed almost impossible to break the cycle, but the truth is that you can.

Over the past month I’ve been seeing someone who has helped me get back on track, giving me renewed faith where previously there was none. It is an incredible achievement when you consider the time in which it arose, that out of the darkness came, the blackened mist came a angelic light with the power to bring change. And change is at its very heart. No longer can I allow myself to be controlled by my inner chimp, whose emotionally shaped path allows for nothing of worth to come about. The reality is I can’t sit here all day, starting at the screen and living in the bubble. Now that bubble has burst.

From now on its different, all that sacrifices which I will make are not for me, but for the future. Everything which the present me will do, exercising, pushing the boundaries outside of my comfort zone and becoming a more positive person are not for me at all, but my future self who will have a better quality of life as a result.

One aspect of life which I wish to provide my future self, which I am severely lacking, is the chance for a partner. Whether that be a man or woman, the reality of the situation is that when people look for a partner, they look for some who’s going to help provide social, emotional, financial and sexual stability. At this moment in time I provide none of those things, sure people may say that I’m a funny guy with some intellectual capacity, but I don’t have a job, I’ve never really thought about a serious career path and have few positive social traits. Add to this I’m not the greatest looking and starting to become overweight and you’ve got a home run of all the wrong variables. It’s time to change this, so the future me can at least have a chance, where present me currently has no chance.

All I do, all I will do, is for the future.


The Unexpected bookworm

It’s may have been around 6 months since I made one of the first posts detaling my enjoyment of the film 1984. I’ve come a long way since then. Through the portfolio of pieces I’ve written, at the most 3 in one week, as if I was doing nothing but writing, to the slower and more gradual output of one a week, written more in the style of an essay in which I’d do a first draft to ensure its quality. Not only has my writing and content (hopefully)improved but also my ability to learn. I’ve taken to the hobby of reading.

Ever since I was required to read The Woman in Black as part of my English GCSE course last year it pushed me into the paper format for learning. It’s something I’ve never really done. I might own a good collection of history books but they’re mainly for show, when I bought them I had every intention of reading them but after the first few pages the interested petered out. In my comprehensive days I only read read pages of textbooks required for lesson without much interest. But now things seem to have changed, for the better. My desire to expand my knowledge combined with the forced reading of The Woman in Black has opened a new world.

Given the bus journeys which I take regularly to college, a good 40 minutes each way, I’ve got some ample time to expand my knowledge through the paper format. I mean I could read the Metro which is free on the bus I get but it doesn’t really interest me. For me published books are the way forward, after all getting a book published requires a lot more than some hatchet job or gossip stop in a paper. Not only that but unlike articles on the internet, which require a good thorougher search or ones from the paper, which if you miss an edition and no one you know has one then you’re basically goofed, books can be found congregating on the dusty shelves of stores such as Waterstones or one of the most important public services, the library. In the Library is a plethora of different novels, historical accounts and academic pieces which are displayed in their volumes, ready for those who seek to find that which is sought. One benefit is that unlike their media brothers books usually last for quite a good week or two, deeper in insight and depth of the detail.

The books I mainly read are political in nature, ranging from George Orwells infamous 1984, an introduction to ideologies and even books written by that notorious leftie Owen Jones. That last one may surprise a few people. It has given me an opportunity to read different points of view however. This is incredibly important as it allows me to release the shackles of conformation bias, helping me to see the larger picture and increase my knowledge, giving me a greater understanding of things. Bias is certainly one of the things which plagues online columns but this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. What is bad is sticking within your own conformation bias bubble which is a lot harder to break on the internet I find as you can always just close the tab and never look at it again, where as with books you feel encouraged to read through.

It has certainly not only changed the way I learn but also my tenacity to learn. Reading has thus become an important part of my self education and ultimately self enlightenment, its like my own rebellion against the unconscious ignorance which we all suffer. Quite a liberating experience if I must say so. Reading also allows me to maximize the use of spare time, making me as efficient as possible, an important step for self improvement.

While reading is not easy, its certainly worth it.

Automation Apocalypse

Robots are coming

an era of immense technological change is upon us, ever advancing at a quickening pace it revolutionizes everything within its grasp. From the AI systems which will soon combine to control every aspect of your home, to self driving cars, to even the simplest of commodities such as self serving checkouts at supermarkets, to even the virtual credit boom and the slow replacement of cash. Through this we now live in a world which is becoming increasingly intertwined with computer technology and robotic systems, whether they be virtual or physical, but for all the accolades, successes and milestones the most glorious gift which this brings to humanity, the crowning achievement of the technological revolution will be the systematic replacement of the working classes through insatiable automation of jobs.

This robotic replacement of working class occupations is something which must be resisted at all costs, for every step taken towards this goal is a disastrous defeat for the working man and the working woman. Whenever this occurs it is those unsung heroes who keep the economy going who suffer, for they are the ones who lose their jobs as a result. What happens when people lose their jobs? They lose absolutely everything! their livelihood, their home and even their family! worst of all the suffer a loss of dignity, pride and ultimately a sense of purpose and place.

Who is to blame for this? The capitalists of course! their greed blinds them and castrates them of any sympathy for the common people. The only thing they care about is their beloved profit margins which are nothing more than bars on a graph, lines on a chart or number in a spreadsheet. Good people shouldn’t suffer such a cruel fate because of greed and avarice.

It’s not just the capitalists either, for we too are to blame. The insatiable hunger of the consumer for cheaper and cheaper goods accelerates this policy in order to feed extravagant materialism in all its glory and all its horror.For we too are blinded by the process as long as the end result is desirable. A monstrous burden which we must carry for all time if we allow this to complete the irreversible process.

The faceless creation of the machine is coming and the age of the machine comes with it, so tell me are you going to stand as the apocalypse looms over as 19th century European powers tower over the defenseless natives to be conquered? or are you going to act upon it and resist while you still can? before its too late.

Have you ever heard the tale of Saigo Takamori?

You probably haven’t. It’s a tragic tale, not one the history teachers would tell you. A tale of sorrow, defiance and ultimately sacrifice. As of yet I know little, not the man he was or the life he lived, only how he died. Saigo was a samurai, referred to as the last, and the leader of the final rebellion in the war for the heart and soul of Japan. Known as the Satsuma Rebellion that happened in 1877 as a reaction to the vilifying of the Samurai lifestyle, most noticeably the barring of carrying swords. Ultimately he lost. In defeat he became legend. Inspired by his tale of defiance until the bitter end I have began reading “The Last Samurai” (and no it has nothing to do with the 2003 film of the same name) to discover the story behind this impressive figure.

Like many in Western Europe we have have been on the receiving end of heavily romanticized view of the samurai in popular culture, often depicted as honorable, brave warriors and loyal till the end. Strictly adhering to the Bushido code, the way of the warrior, they would devote themselves day and night to its tenets. This is not necessarily wrong although it does leave out quite a considerable amount of others duties which the samurai held in Japanese society. Outside of combat one of which was the samurai constituted a large portion of the bureaucrats, operating as the pseudo ennobled governing class of feudal Japan, forming its own caste in Japans hierarchical societal structure.

The first time I heard the name Saigo was a reference in the Sabaton song “Shiroyama”, one of the tracks on their latest album whose theme is based around some of histories famous last stands. What made song stand out above the rest, and what intrigued me the most was the basis of the last stand and its consequences. Unlike those fables where the meek defenders hold out or even die fighting against overwhelming odds, such as the Spartans at Thermopylae or British colonial troops at Rorkes Drift, was what Shiroyama represented, while armies might have been lost but the nation lived on, was the total and utter destruction of an entire culture.

At Shiroyama, Saigo and his students would meet their end in the form of the modernized Imperial Japanese conscript army. Trained warriors and nobles embracing the Bushido code against the peasant masses, the way of the sword against rifles and howitzers, the epitome of old versus new. The old lost. Lasting just over 3 hours, the engagement started with an artillery bombardment on the rebels fortifications and ended in a heroic charge. Saigo along with 40 others, including some of his most loyal companions, leaped out of their positions for a frontal attack into Imperial positions. The last remnants of the way of the warrior went out in a blaze of glory worthy of the annals of history. In life they fulfilled their duties required, in death they not only were they rewarded with a fitting end but also the end of the Samurai culture, taking it to the grave with them.

Such an incredibly emotional end to an entire way of life. It’s impossible to describe how one feels in moments like this, tremendous courage on the battlefield and the tale of sacrifice which follows is one thing, but to take almost a thousand years of tradition with them to the gave is something completely different. To describe the depth of what it means is unquantifiable.


The Feminist struggle and how us men just don’t get it

The spirit of the legendary Amazonian warriors, fierce and independent, have been reborn out of the flames of oppression in the form of the modern feminist movement. These loyalist battalions have taken up arms to fight against the culture of the patriarchy and with its destruction lay the foundations of a society in which the sexes are equal.

This weekend saw the movement in action as millions of sisters all across the globe protested against the epitome of this cultural injustice, Donald J Trump. Some of his more unsavory comments which came to light during the campaign have made him a much divisive figure. In fact the march in Washington DC was larger than Trumps’ inauguration the previous day.

Watching some of the speeches which occurred at the woman’s march in DC what I realized was that not only is the march about equality for things like pay, its also about achieving equality within the culture of society too. References were made to Trumps “grab them by the pussy” remark as you’d expect, but it wasn’t just about that, they wanted their voices to be heard on things which are strictly woman’s issues such as periods, the tampon tax and much more.

It’s interesting asking men about feminism as an increasing number have become hostile to the cause, seeing it as an affront to masculine culture and nothing more than an attempt to place themselves ahead, rather than equal. They see nothing more than screeching, wailing and fanatical harpies to be fight against as cultural enemies. There are also those who in reply to asking them about feminism mention Egalitarianism. The simple meaning is equality for all individuals in society. They believe that instead of focusing on just one sex that we should focus on the injustices done to both. Then there are the men who feel they are allies of the movement, while not actively engaging in the politics of it all, they lend their support.

One of the responses to this movement is the sudden appearance of mens rights. These seek to highlight the injustices which are inflicted upon males by society. As noble as their cause is I don’t feel as if they’re doing the world any favours by trying to grab the spotlight at the expense of feminism. It only really achieves throwing a spanner into the works for both movements rather than advancing the real issues in any way.

The thing about feminism is that most men completely miss the point of it. They reject it out of a lack of true understanding for the issues which feminists are fighting against, and most importantly what they hope to achieve. I myself was included in this category. So I decided to do some research and in doing so I came up with a theory. Unlike First wave feminism which was about acquiring what could be seen as legal equality and Second wave feminism which saw the fight for sexual liberation, this new Third wave of feminism is about the fight for cultural equality.

The fight for cultural equality is hard to understand from a males perspective as we have it easy compared to our female counterparts. What I discovered that goes through the female mind in relation to the cultural injustices they endure which occur in the very mind and soul of society are quite saddening. For example while it may seem ordinary to do so we often associate certain activities or ideals with specific sexes and we are divided because of it.  The most obvious of these is sports activities in schools, for instance football in considered a boys sport so girls aren’t allowed to play in case they get hurt with the rougher male opponents. It might seem something simple at first but the effects ripple throughout the very fabric of what’s socially acceptable for each gender. Another example, which also occurs in schools, of everyday sexism which girls have to endure is the debate around how they look, whether they wear too much makeup, the length (or lack of) their skirts and overall revealing nature of the uniforms they wear. It’s all about how they look rather than the responsibility of males of all ages not to sexualize them.

As women grow older the level of sexualisation and misogyny they endure only seems to expand. At the bottom end is the level of catcalling they receive due to putting a bit of effort into looking good from chauvinistic males to being groped in public or the unfortunate experience of being sexually assaulted. Some live in fear because some men can’t control themselves, thinking that if they somehow give men the wrong idea, even by doing something as simple as making prolonged eye contact, something will happen to them.

Even when its not an extreme, what about being harassed by an interested male to the point where you have to make up excuses like “oh I have a boyfriend” or “I’m a lesbian sorry”. It’s almost as if some people have more respect for an unknown man than an known women. It’s quite the disgrace. Women should live for themselves and not for the benefit of men, especially misogynistic ones at that.

The struggle for a equal, safe and secure society goes on.

What the word Capable means to me

via Daily Prompt: Capable


I’ve seen quite a few of these daily prompts in my feed before but have yet to respond to one. Today that’s different as the chosen word has had a consistent presence throughout my time in the education system, especially in recent years.So what does capable mean? A quick search using Google brings up the definition “having the ability, fitness, or quality necessary to do or achieve a specified thing.”. Pretty straightforward to understand, nothing too complicated.

To me however capability represents something more important, its not just about having the skills to do a specific job but more broad than that. To me the word capable encompasses the emotional and social aspects of being human, being able to understand yourself and those which surround you. There was a time when I was enrolled on a course to help understand myself and the problems I faced, one of the lecturers there (who was also my main tutor for support) would always say that I was one of the more capable students they’ve seen. They obviously meant that as a compliment to help boost confidence but I never felt that way, instead it would only fuel my decent as my reaction always was to rail against it. Usually with awful consequences for the state my mental health.

It’s not just about dealing with people or yourself, its also about how ready I am for a job. This very concept has caused me much pain over the past few years as I dwell on this thought. After all having a job is one of the most important things a person can do, it occupies their time, gives them a purpose, the financial assets to enjoy life. Being older than most people in the college system is pretty disheartening as realistically I should be in a job, working my way up through the hierarchy and into the higher echelons of business. When I see myself and where I am, in comparison to my peers from school, who are getting on in life, have successful relationships, have jobs, and for at least half of the women they even have kids. It’s a stark reminder of where I am and where I should be, rather than the position I find myself in. I toss and turn between the different sides of whether I feel capable or not, usually falling on the “not” side of things.

This word is quite a lot more influential in my life than it should be and has had more impact on me than most others.


It’s time to eliminate the dredges in our Society

A few days ago there was a terrifying story which appeared in my newsfeed,the kind of story which infuriates me to my very core. The story was about a poor, young and innocent girl suffering years of abuse from a group of men from a traveling community in Shropshire.

Happening over a period of years these men systematically abused and violated her without consent. I know that in recent years there has been debates around the intricate and complex evaluation of what constitutes consent but in essence its pretty simple, no means no.  In this case it seems there was never any doubt that what happened was indeed rape, being trapped (she was in a van in some instances) in a situation with no way out but to give in to these predators ugly desires, when she tried to leave they locked the doors. There’s nothing she could feasibly do. She would face them again for for 4 long years.

All of this happened at such a precious time in life, during her teenage years. A time in life when one should be developing themselves, from personally to friendships. The very foundations of everything are being built as a setting for ones future; the who, what, why and where. Instead forced to suffer, alone and helpless. Instead to be forced into ordeals which no one should have to endure.

There is nothing but the feeling of intense disappointment in human nature and a burning sensation of immense hated.

For such men a lifetime rotting in a cell is insufficient. The death penalty must be used as a means to eliminate such vermin from our society, is it not the duty of the state to ensure that such animals, monsters and creatures of pure blackness are protected within the cage that is prison, for if we allow such violators of the innocent to live it sets a precedent that no matter what you do, you’ll always escape true justice. Rapists exists within the primordial cesspool existing within the lower dredges of society, they must be eliminated.